I never thought reverse homesickness was possible.
The past month hasn't been the easiest. Seeing my family every day again, my dog, my friends, and my coworkers has made me appreciate my wonderful life in Canada after being away for so long. However, deep down, I've been feeling slightly overwhelmed with my move back home and guilty that I'm not 100 percent happy to be back.
Don't get me wrong, I am so content with my life in Canada. Still, I find myself extremely homesick and missing everything I had in the Netherlands. I'm also grateful for the familiar comforts and the chance to reconnect with loved ones, even if it feels like I had to lose something special to gain something great.
I never thought reverse homesickness was possible. How can you be homesick when you are home? My time in Nijmegen, with its lively streets, friendly people, and vibrant culture, really impacted me, and I genuinely felt at home in the little Dutch city.
It hasn't been a drastic change, but it was enough of a change for me to be having culture shock in my own country. I quickly got used to the Netherlands. I became comfortable with the culture, and even though it didn't feel like my own, I felt welcomed by it.
Since being home, I've been missing the weirdest things from the Netherlands, such as its public transportation and grocery stores (okay, maybe I just miss the stroopwafels sold in the grocery stores). In Nijmegen, if I didn't ride my bike, I would take the bus to go anywhere in the city and never wait more than 10 minutes. I became so reliant on public transport there that I forgot that driving a car was the only way around Niagara Falls. The Netherlands didn't have huge department stores like Costco and Walmart; everything was on a smaller scale, which was weird when I first arrived, but I quickly got used to it. Now, I find myself missing the small grocery stores and the weekly farmer's markets. Even though Canada has small grocery stores and farmer markets, nothing will feel the same as the Dutch ones.
I also miss my friends. I was fortunate enough to make such great connections while on exchange. Leaving my friends in Europe was the hardest thing I've ever done. I saw some of my friends every day and even lived with them. Now that I'm home, I don't know when I will see them again. Going from seeing someone daily to not seeing them has affected me more than I thought it would. It's like a breakup, minus the terrible heartbreak, but the distance between my friends and I is undeniable, literally a continent away.
I miss the freedom, too (mainly the freedom I had to travel). I know it might sound cliché, and I hope I don't come across as a brat, but during my exchange, I had no one to answer to but myself, and that's just the plain old truth. Now that I'm back home, I'm living with my family again; I must remind myself that it's not just me in the house. I can't just think for myself anymore. My day-to-day life has changed. I share a car with my parents and brother. We all have our responsibilities. We all have our things going on. It's the little things like I can't leave the house without my mom asking where I'm going, even though It doesn't bother me; it's just something I'm not used to. Sometimes, I feel like I'm regressing in terms of my independence now that I'm back living at home.
These are just a few of the struggles I've been dealing with. Despite the rocky adjustment to my everyday life, I couldn't be more grateful to be home and with my family again, even though it's been bittersweet. Everyone says that your twenties are about figuring your life out, trying new things, moving out, and sometimes moving back in. Remember, moving back home is okay even after accomplishing great things. For me, my exchange was the best thing I've accomplished in my life thus far, and even though it feels like I've taken a step backwards, it's not when you have a loving, supportive family waiting for you and a country like Canada to call home.
So yes, the reality of coming back home after six months of studying abroad and travelling Europe has been challenging. This past month, I've cried enough tears for 2024. However, I know it will get better, and everything will be okay, even with the lack of stroopwaffles in my life.
A picture of me in front of Niagara Falls, my hometown in Canada. Being away from the falls for so long made me forget the beauty in its nature.
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